me, bo and the meaning of life

9:52 pm

(image courtesy of netflix)

i've been a fan of bo burnham's ever since i stumbled across one of his videos while in a deep dark hole of youtube a couple of years ago. what. immediately became my favourite comedy special, nudging donald glover's weirdo out of its long-running title at first place. i still love weirdo, but bo's mixture of music, narrative and cringingly perfect puns is near impossible to beat.

when i saw him post tour dates for his make happy tour i was bummed. they were all in america so oceans and borders were keeping me away from my comedic hero. but when i heard that he would be releasing it all in a new netflix special, i was beyond stoked. i marked the date on my calendar with a smiley face. i counted down the days. and when the moment finally came, i told my abundant pile of urgent homework to go fuck itself while i mentally prepared myself for what the next hour would hold.

and, boy, i was not disappointed. i had grown up since what. and so had bo. there was still the same surprisingly beautiful piano pieces under shockingly dark yet hilarious lyrics. there was still masturbation jokes and bo's magnetic stage persona that managed to look down and above at the audience simultaneously. there was still the acknowledgement and then subsequent disregard of political correctness. but the thing that made make happy so different to what. was that bo wasn't really hiding anymore. this time it was personal.

in what. bo didn't really talk about himself. or he did but it was so obviously not real. there was that distinct separation between the act and the person. in make happy, though, that line was blurred. bo was shamelessly putting it all out there - his fears and concerns and worries. he wasn't there to please anyone. not anymore. i mean, he straight up told the audience that his "biggest problem is you" before quickly covering it up with an actually really good kanye impersonation.

look, i'm not using this as a basis to declare that bo is mentally unstable or deeply depressed. i can't just decide to interpret his left and right brain separating as not authentic and then the moment he talks about real shit as an accurate reflection of his actual self. i don't know him. but i do very much hope that he is happy.

the thing that really stuck with me, though, was his exploration of internet culture. i hated it. because it was so so so true.

our generation is fixated with being on display and big corporate people sitting at the head of long tables on the top floors of skyscrapers are grinning devilishly as they continuously dish out social media and technology that allows us to do so and we so eagerly embrace. and i'm not saying this as a condescending hipster teetering over my decaf-skinny-one-sugar-affogato. i'm saying this because this is me. i'm so preoccupied with having people hear me that life is running by and i barely glance up from my obsession with being noticed to see it go. i don't want to live as a complete unknown where everything i do has absolutely zero effect on anything at all. i want to be important.

in a more deep lull of the show, bo advised all of us internet warriors that "if you can live your life without an audience, you should do it." and i took that to heart. only one person was going to live this life and that was me so why should it matter if anyone else knows about it? so i tweeted that quote on my twitter and haven't posted since. but even then, let's be real, i was silently waiting for someone to comment on my wittiness. and even then i only chose to ignore my twitter because i had merely 24 followers who were definitely ignoring me. and even then i'll probably join the twitter-verse again one day.

and that was that. fuck everyone else, my only sole purpose in life was for me and i'll live for me and i'l die for me. done-zel washington. so why, dinushka, are you posting this on a blog that is so obviously created for other people to pay you the attention that you so maddeningly crave? well, let me tell you, reader-asking-me-questions-that-does-not-exist.

i realised that it was not the audience that i was after. that was just a potential byproduct of the real goal. because all i really want in life, is to leave my mark. that's it. i don't want to be born and live and die and thus have any traces of myself blown away amongst the sands of time. that would be just so pointless. imagine living a lifespan of experiences and work and having absolutely nothing to show for it. ok, maybe there's children and relationships and ooo the connections you make wowee. except that's just not me. i want to be so much bigger than that.

i know that one day we'll all be forgotten. i know that one day cities will crumble and the human race will be just fossils and the earth will be swallowed by the sun. but that's not today and today i want to be remembered. today i want to matter.

(side note: the lighting in make happy, jesus, it was fucking lit)

(born in 1998 and have a voice to share with the world? click here to find out how you can be heard!)


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4 comments

  1. You made a good point it's nice how even for a while we think of ourselves and not others.

    x Rizza
    http://azzirjoyce.wix.com/la-vie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you!! it's always good to take a step back and look in xxx

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  2. dinushka omg i loved this post!! bo is the absolute best at conveying thoughts about consumerism, death and celebrity in humour. i haven't watched "make happy" yet, but this has reminded me to put it on the "to watch" list!

    - liliana x x x

    www.studytidysmile.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh thank you so much!! you definitely have to get onto 'make happy' soon! it will be one of the best hours of your life, i promise!! xxx

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